Questions & Answerers With Sat

Parenting Q&A With Sat
Summary: Discussion on Children & electronic devises, Good behavior, too many Do’s and Don’ts.

Sat: First of all, I want to say I'm very glad to be with all of you - parenting means a lot to me - it is a noble and hard role we're playing as long as we don't lose ourselves in our role. All right, go ahead with the question.
Question 1: When should teenagers have a phone, if at all?
Sat: I really don't know. Again, it comes to the parents. Let Me talk about My life. I left my country when I was 14, a girl of 14, I didn't have a cell phone. There was no cell phone. There was no telephone, nothing. My parents made sure that I left the country with a decent lady that had a boarding house for foreigners. They made sure that I had a good schooling, and they trusted. This is how at My time, life worked. And, I went to Switzerland like many, many other kids my age, or maybe older, and I didn't talk to my parents. We wrote letters to each other. It took seven to ten days. I survived. They survived. And all of that happened.
Again, we go back to addiction, collective addiction, collective phobia, collective mistrust that is happening in the world. Now, where do we draw the line? Wherever you want to draw the line as your family. But we can't deny the old time being a better time than now, and we can go back and review it. Why was it a better time than now? Why did we have an easier time than our children have? Because we were not bombarded by information and pressure, pressure from society through the Internet and all sorts of things. So let's stay a little bit old fashioned. And then as a parent, we think [about] what is best for our kids? If they need to have a telephone, then get it for them. But if you don't find a necessity or danger, then why give it to them so they can surf the Internet? Anyway, the bottom line is that we’ve got so many amazing parents on the phone, they can make their decisions for their own kids. But that is definitely My view, even though I'm not old fashioned but there are certain things that are wholesome and I like to hold onto them.

Question 2: On a parenting call on August 19, 2023, You said the following: “I hardly ever emphasize on character. The emphasis is on how to release ourselves of character, the roots of character, which is the ego, or “I am the body.” You don't need to want to correct every behavior, nor will I correct my behavior or your behavior, unless it is mean, hurtful and damaging. Some parents just put their kids under a microscope so they can behave well. It's not about behavior. It’s about what gives the child success in their peace as they grow up. Remember, concentrate on teaching them how to achieve peace rather than behavior; acceptance. Let your parenting be not so much about behavior, but to see how, spiritually, we can have more understanding of them and we can help them to that degree.”
a. I was very surprised and confused when I was translating this meeting. In my opinion, my generation and even other generations were raised in Iran only on the basis of whether their behavior is correct and they have always been judged on that basis and not on anything else... My view towards children is also based on this. It's how well they behave and if they don't behave well, it means they need to be corrected... When I hear from You that we shouldn't focus too much on children's behavior, I get confused and disappointed because I don't have any other criteria and understanding to evaluate. I don't have children.

Sat: Then why would you want to have such a strong opinion for somebody that doesn't have a child? Just release that. I don't want to talk to someone that doesn't have children but has an opinion. It means nothing. We all understand that instead of correcting our children at every turn, [e.g.]: “put this down, take this, do this, be here, don't go there, this and that [etc.] …” instead of that, if we could give them a tool so they can get over their fear, like Asal did with her niece, if we can help them conquer their anger rather than, “don't have anger, don't be so crazy, don't have a meltdown [etc.] …” What does that even mean? If we can’t give a child a tool, how is it supposed to behave when there is an attack of anger in their mind and body? So we all know that emphasizing on the behavior of the character, which is just the entity that was built of this opposite world, is a waste of time. Of course, if your child screams something really bad, of course you discipline the child. I have many, many times. I even washed their mouth if they say something foul. Some parents constantly emphasize on “dos and don'ts.” How can the child grow in such a tight place? And those parents that do that, they really have a lot of problems with their own character, you know. So let's move on to another question.
Question 3: My niece is 6 years old, if I ask her not to do something because i don't like it or it bothers me, she uses it as a controlling instrument and she does it with everyone. I don't know why she behaves like that and I want to know how I should handle this behavior?
Sat: Don’t. Don't handle this behavior. I don't see that it’s Earth shaking. She's tired of do’s and don’ts - leave her alone. You know, children change daily as their heights change daily, as their mental capacity changes daily, as their sentiments change daily. They are running water. Just because she is behaving like this, and I've said it many, many times to you guys, doesn't mean tomorrow she will behave like this again. Just let it go. She wants to be mischievous. Why not? Why not? She wants to be rebellious. Why not? Again, if it's not harming, if it's not damaging. Just let go of a lot of stuff in order for the children to move.
I think sometimes when we want to correct our children, we should stop for a moment and say, do I have this characteristic in me that I'm trying to correct in that person? And you will find that you do that, you do. When you tell your child not to scream when she's angry or he's angry, if you stop, you see that you do the same thing, that you do scream when you're angry. So we just have to not be so strict. It doesn't pay off. It really does not pay off. Then the kids start lying to you and confiding in their friends, instead of you, [and] finding refuge in strangers and their family.
Bahar: Well, thank you so so much Sat Jan, that is the end of the questions we gathered for today's call.
Sat: Well, it was so, so, so joyful to be with you guys and have a wonderful week and wonderful summer, know that you guys are amazing parents. You are playing your role beautifully, and your children are only so lucky to be born in a family that has a Sadguru and has a spiritual direction, and they're having a holy life. So have a nice day. Namaste.
Parenting Chat
June 22, 2024