Parenting Chat-What is Unconditional Understanding

Question : On our last call, in response to being our child’s friend, You told us to “Just have unconditional understanding, which translates to unconditional love.” We wanted to know what is “unconditional understanding” - does part of it include telling our children that we are there for them no matter what and being there for them no matter what?

Sat: Well, I don't think you need to tell your children, “I'm gonna be there no matter what.” What does that even mean? You don't know how long you're gonna be and what the situation is. And the children already know that they can trust their parents, that if anybody supports them it’s the parents. This is a sentence that is being thrown around in the United States more than anywhere else in the world. Because it's given that the parents will give their lives for their children so we don't need to emphasize on that.

The deep understanding means - we should listen really carefully. We are much older than our children, therefore we have accepted many more concepts: do’s and don'ts, good and bad. When we have an understanding of what age the child is and how long that child has been on this Earth, then we give them that type of understanding - that still this child’s mind is not filled with the things that ours is. So when we bring our understanding to their age and level, then there is an unspoken communication that happens within the parents. In other words, you get something that, by just throwing “don't”or “do” you would not have gotten it. So deep understanding is that.

Remember when a few of us were in Santa Fe as a mini retreat just last year, and we went for a beautiful hike that reminded Me of the Arunachello Hills. And there I said, “Let's become a kid. Drop all your burden.” And there was a creek beside us. I said, “Let's jump in the creek. Let's throw water at each other. Let's just have no hesitation.” And we did that. All of us all of a sudden started giggling and being happy and jolly and all of that. But now, if our kids do that we say, “Don't do it. Don't throw muddy water. Don't do this.” And so this becomes unconscious training of our children. But when we bring ourselves to a teenager’s dilemma, or before that, or after that - I'm still doing it with My grown up kids. I am still keeping quiet and just watching them, watching their moods, [and seeing] how I can dance through their moods instead of asking them, “What's wrong with you?” So that's what it means and it's really a good practice for the parents because we become aware of ourselves through them. So that's what it means.

Questioner: Amazing. Sat, You just said that You see how You can dance through their moods instead of asking them what's wrong or why? Can You say a little bit more about that?

Sat: Yes. So My approach has always been that before I open My mouth, I really observe the situation. Observe the situation. I really look at it. I look at My son if he is in certain stress or something. I look at it. And then, by just staying there and looking at their things, you intuitively will understand what's going on with them. Intuitively, you feel like they're under stress, or they're hiding something, or they can open up - something like that, and then you dance. What I mean by dance - means don't go straight ahead. Just move with their energy - that comes with watching rather than doing. And then, if you have boys: silence. They love silence. They love their parents to not ask too many questions and just be there. At least Mine were like this.

You know, we have a set of rules for parents, and they write books about it. The parents, when your child does this, you should be doing this, or the baby should sleep with the mother. No, the baby shouldn't sleep with the mother. All of that, what happens? Like I've told you guys before, by listening to others, by reading too many books about how to treat your children, you shut down your intuitive faculties as a mother or a father. So when someone comes to Me and says my child is like this, I don't have any book to refer to. Intuitively, the approach comes and that is because we look more than we do, or we say or we solve, [or give] a remedy. So let's move on. I think we've had a good explanation on that.


Parenting Chat
August 23, 2025