Parenting Chat-Questions And Answers With Sat

Sat: Good morning - you’re all welcome. Happy Valentine's to everybody on the phone. It is a joyful day to know that we are built out of the cloth of love. Tell Me who is on the phone.
Bahar: We've got Anitha, Janani, Farnaz, Mansour, Meera, Saranya, Seema, Sudabeh, Kavi and Radha.
Sat: Wonderful. All right. If anybody has any sharing they can share with us and if not then Bahar will go through her questions. Okay. Bahar. Go ahead.
Question One. You have shared with us that rudeness, meanness and lying all require discipline and to really discipline hard if it needs to be hard. This has helped us a lot. At the same time, we have also learned to put ourselves in their shoes, give them understanding, just talk to them, and let a lot of things go. Despite so much guidance already, some of us continue to struggle with the times we should really discipline hard and when we should show them understanding or even let something go. Is there anything more You can say on this to help us?
Sat: The distinction, it really comes when a child is just continuously being rude and disrespectful. That's when it has to be stopped. But if a child is really, really angry and this is not something that occurs often and all of a sudden out of her anger something nasty comes out, then it’s only human to get out of control when you have a lot of anger. And then perhaps if they are small enough, they are young enough, afterwards you can talk to them and help them with control of the anger.
Not control of the anger, [but] perhaps how to see the anger as not something that is them but something that has arisen in them and they have choices. But the only thing I can say is every situation is different. I don't think any of you guys on the phone need to worry about the meanness or rudeness of their child. But if you see it repeated, then there has to be a consequence. But at the same time, you have to find the roots of it. Is it frustration? Is it a deep anger toward something that has not been dissolved? While they're small, when they get bigger and bigger, it's going to be much harder to have this conversation with them because it builds on it. The resentment builds on it and then you get to the point that you don't even know why you [have] resentment toward your mother or father. So yeah, that's all I can really say.
And go with your intuitive heart. I mean parents have a very much intuitive heart toward their child even if they don't have it toward anybody else. Just use that and put the situation in your intuitiveness and see what guidance you get to carry on your action. But everything, even discipline, should be in a loving way, not in an angry way.
Bahar: Can You elaborate on that last sentence that the discipline should be in a loving way?
Sat: If there is shouting contents between the child and the mother or the father, I mean, who is at fault? I mean, they both are screaming. So, the softer you discipline, the better it penetrates. In other words, you do what you think is right, but you don't have to shout and run around and criticize the child.
Question Two: Sometimes the urge for correction comes from my own personal fear and I overreact in the moment - how can I take myself out of it?
Sat: Yeah, that was my dilemma. And I really, really tried to not install the fear that I got from My childhood. I really did. I went so opposite that My kids used to make fun of Me. I mean it was like I would take my fear and turn it into some sort of courage for them. That's something that consciously you have to be aware of. The damage of fear is endless in a child. I mean really it’s the cause of their struggle later on in life as I have come to go through it.
So, if something scares you, ask yourself, “How do I know? How much do I know this is going to end up in a disaster?” Say your child is going up a tree. A mother says, "Oh my god, he's gonna fall and break his leg." Yeah, that should not be voiced. What should be voiced is getting closer to the tree and putting your hand in a way that it could be protective or encouraging the child to go higher. “I am with you. I'm here.” It's just a small example of how we can do it.
I have a very funny story to tell you guys; I've told a few of you. I was so much into making sure that My own personal fear does not go to My little kids, as My mom was very cautious and she warned Me plenty. So we were walking on a hilltop and there were some red ants and the kids were five and seven. And My older son says, "Mom, be careful. These red ants when they bite, they really bite." And I said, "No, they don't. They're a harmless creature. We shouldn't be afraid of them. And I will prove it to you.” I picked one up and it bit Me so hard. I couldn't scream because if I did scream then My point was completely cancelled. And both kids looked at My hand and they pulled [out] the ant and the ant’s head still got stuck and the body was disconnected. And My older son says, "Mom, sometimes you just have to admit that something will do something not so good." So yeah, on that occasion I took it too far.
Question three: My younger one, who is 6 years old, believes that Trust and God are everywhere. She asked this question today: “If God was with me, how did I still get three mistakes on my spelling test?” What is a good response?
Sat: God is not a human [with] human activity. They have to understand that God is the center of their peace, is their Home. So whenever they have a problem, or they need a close friend, they can go to their home, to the center of their peace, and just leave it there or ask for direction. But the life of a human has to go the way the life of a human goes. The body has to put effort. The mind has to study. But our connection with the center of our being that we call God is something way beyond small mistakes on a test or this and that. It is a pillar of strength in the face of fear. It is a pillar of strength in the face of weakness in the mind. It is a pillar of peace when there is unpeacefulness. So it’s a refuge, it’s not a rescue team. That's all I can really say.
And that goes for grownups too. Not every problem will be solved by our devotion to God. But our devotion to God will lessen the sting of the problem. It’s a passive watcher. It’s not active like the mind. But then the more we rely on our silence and our communion, the more we get guided, even on the test. I remember a mother goes to Shirdi Baba and says, “My son doesn't want to go through the final test for entering the university because he thinks he's not prepared” and Shirdi Baba says, “No he should and he will pass.” When she said it to the son, he became very encouraged and started studying day and night and passed it - so he didn't have doubt anymore. So you see it indirectly helps, our faith.
Question Four: My grandson, who is almost 11 years old, asked me: “How do you deal with or resolve a conflict with your friends?” I told him I would ask Sat about his question. Can You please help guide me?
Sat: If they're really good friends, they don't have to agree with each other. They can have conflict. They can have discussions. They can have disagreements. They can even fight. The main thing is that each time that happens, it should increase their understanding of one another and acceptance of one another. And if it is a friend that is not really displaying friendship, then let it go. Every conflict can make us be more aware of our discomfort with someone or it can really increase our understanding of that person. That's when the parents can help.
Question Five. When other parents come and tell you your child did something bad or complain that your child said a bad word or didn’t play nicely with their child, what is the best way to handle it?
Sat: Not defending our kids is one of them. Getting to the bottom of it and seeing if there is a problem to fix. It’s not a situation where you brush [it] under the carpet. And if their complaint is stupid and nonimportant, you just let it totally go. And if they don't like friendship with your child, let them move on. But if there is really a problem of aggressiveness or whatever that needs to be corrected then you do that.
Question Six: How can we respond to the question of our kids when they are angry and sad about cruelty, injustice and horrible things happening to kids and adults in the world?
Sat: We tell them to mind their own business. And I don't mean they shouldn't have compassion. And that's something Sai Baba said to a very devoted devotee when he said, “Baba look what is happening in the world, the cruelty, the this and that.” Baba said “Sir, the world is not your business.” And so yes it hurts to see things like this, it really does but then it’s best to invest in ourselves and that ripples to the surroundings. We will never solve the riddle of earthly life manifestation. There is no way. We can say “God is love, why is there so much hatred?” We can say “Why is it this way even though I had devotion?” That conflict in our mind can go on forever. So we just let it go and admit that we don't know anything and hopefully we're nobody.
Question Seven: My 11-year old son recently had a friend invite him to go to the youth group at his church and my son asked me if he could go. The church is non-denominational and after reviewing an online Sunday service of the church, my challenge with it - as with most churches - is that they teach that the only path to God is through Jesus and I’m not sure how to reconcile sending him to a church that tells him Jesus is the only way (and doesn’t align with what we believe). Can You please help guide me on the best way to navigate this?
Sat: I don't know how old he is. He needs to explore. Who are we to say that our beliefs are better than somebody else's beliefs and all of that? I gave you an example of My own life. I raised the children by taking them to India. We had Sai Baba's pictures and devotion everywhere in our house and everything. And before My son got married, he said, "Mom, I need to find my own way." And I said, "One hundred percent I support you. Throw everything away and find your own way.” Shortly after that, he found out his way was the way that he was raised in a miraculous way. It was shown to him. So, he came back to Me and said, "I found it is the same that I had from childhood." So, going to church one time or thinking that Jesus was the way, there's nothing wrong with that. It could actually benefit the child. We don't know. Or most likely the child moves on and decides, okay, I tried that and I can move on.
Question Eight: One night as we were laying in bed before he went to sleep, my 11 year old son asked me, “How do I know I am not dreaming right now.” I told him I wasn’t sure how to answer the question and would get back to him. Can You help guide me?
Sat: He said it. He said it just right. I would just move on. Let him find out for himself. How old is he?
Bahar: He's 11.
Sat: Yeah, just move on.
Bahar: Thank You so very much, Sat Jan.
Sat: Yes, absolutely. I'm glad we had this time together with all of you. You guys are incredible parents, extremely loving. Your children are lucky to have you as mother and father with so much care and understanding. Have a wonderful weekend all of you. Namaste.

Parenting Chat
February 14, 2026