Parenting Chat- Qs&As With Sat-May 2025

Sat: Hi, everybody.

Bahar: Good morning Sat Jan, we cannot thank You enough for joining us. And I really want to say, from the bottom of my heart, these calls have truly transformed my life and the life of my family and I'm so very grateful for another opportunity to seek Your love and guidance and wisdom. With that, Sat Jan, we have two newcomers this morning, and I wanted to give them a chance to introduce themselves.

Raha: Sat jan, my name is Raha. I'm so happy for this opportunity. I have been listening to Your audio and Your website. Now it’s a great honor to join this meeting and to listen to You. I need a lot of help from Your hand. Thank You so much.

Sat: Thank you, Raha Jan, welcome. I'm sure you will take advantage of it and enjoy it.

Farinaz: Hi, Sat Jan. This is Farinaz. I'm also grateful for allowing me to join Your group and this parenting chat. I can't believe this big chance that You have given me. Thank You so much.

Sat: Wonderful. You are both very, very welcome and I'm glad that you decided to take this path, because it is the meaning of life, really, to be able to help oneself and then save the children and the family. And that's the role of a mother. And the role of a mother is not just feeding the kids and telling them dos and don'ts. It’s way above that. It is to teach them how to handle life, to teach them how to turn their weaknesses to strength. They teach them how to have equanimity in the face of challenges. So this is what we do here. So both of you welcome. Since we have many, go ahead and start.

Question One: You had recently said journaling would be good for my 10 year old daughter and she had started doing that. Then, I started asking her to journal in the evening to capture the emotions she carried from the morning to the night and then the difference she feels after prayer time. Is it effective to put our emotions in writing like this? If not, could You please advise us on the best way to advise our children on this?

Sat: You know, journaling is something very private. It's not something that we can interfere [with] too much. Just to tell the child that one of the ways you can see yourself better as far as the character is concerned, is to write down, and you write down the way you feel and why you feel, and how - this is the most important part of journaling, how you see what happens, and how you can turn it to something that would benefit you next time that you are in that position and with that type of emotion. So I did journaling throughout My life. And, the journaling also is very profitable when the child writes it to whatever source the child believes in, whether it’s a Guru, whether it’s God, whether it’s the form of a mother, to almost confide in that which the child believes to be a higher power. And, at times, ask or write the problem and ask for help, and then be quiet. Be very quiet when they ask about help or direction, to begin to feel it, to get the answer from within. And that goes for the parents, too, where when we are confronted with some sort of a hardship or a hard decision, write it down and ask for illumination, and when we do, ask to not just fold the book and journal and leave the room, to really go in and see how we feel and if we can get any type of direction, and when we do, and if we do, we write it down in our journal. So you can share what was said today with your daughter, but you cannot keep on telling her how to write it, when to write it, because that would be too much interference.

I remember when My kids were leaving home, they were 17 and one 18, I made them a journal and every other page would have an inspiring sentence on the page and then I would put, now and then, a picture of them in India, in the Ashram of Sai Baba, to remind them of their childhood. And I did that for both of them. And I must have put about 20 or 30 pictures and about 50 different quotes to inspire them when they're away and to remind them of their treasure house and what to rely on and how to go about facing life on their own. So you can also, perhaps, write now and then, in their journal, something inspiring, not when they already started writing, but if you buy your child a journal, you can do that. It is very beautiful. I remember each one of them calling Me and saying, “Mom, we just started looking at the pictures and reminiscing about our trips to India and thank You so much for doing that.” So that's just an idea.

Question Two: How can we help our children stay true to themselves and find inner calm during emotional outbursts, especially as they navigate the challenges of growing up?

Sat: I think this question should be addressed to the mother. What do you do? How much do you invest in your peace? How often do you not go with your unpeaceful thoughts and emotions? And how much mastery have you had since you started realizing what the thoughts are? And then give your child tools, like I said many times before, not when they are upset, but after the tantrum is extinguished, you wait for a receptive time, and then talk to them [about] how they can transcend their negative emotions by just staying, by being quiet, by walking in nature, by talking about it and asking for help from the mother and father who also practice it.

I was talking to My son yesterday, and he did something incredible with his children. I told him, “You know, what you're giving to your child and the team that you are coaching is a lesson in life. It's not a lesson in soccer only, it’s a lesson in life. In other words, we are not here to deal with the moment to moment problems of our children. We want to make them equipped for dealing with life emotionally, physically, and mentally. So what is the way to do that? You equip yourself, and through that realization, you help your child, not just with day to day problems. Please remember that. Not just do’s and don'ts, don't be satisfied with that. Teach your children equanimity, how to gain peace in the middle of chaos. That's what they came here for. They didn't come here just to fill their tummy and have a comfortable life and have tons of money after the parents leave their body. We are not here to work to our bones so they can inherit an easy life. We are here to help them fly. And as our consciousness is expanded to a bigger and bigger space, we understand. We begin to understand our child so deeply, even the weakness of our children, so deeply that we don't judge them. We help them. We don't criticize them. We lift them. We inspire them. As you all on the phone that have been with Me long enough have done in your life, with your children and yourself, and you always tell Me the benefit of it. And I'm grateful to each of you for practicing. Because the world is coming to a point that our children need to be equipped. Is not the world we experienced before, it’s going much faster. The technology is maddening.

Question Three: My 10 year old daughter gets very emotional at times, especially if she doesn’t get her way, and I let her cry it out and take space until she is ready to talk about it. Is it okay for her to be alone with her emotions and cry for a while, or is this detrimental to her?

Sat: It all depends. It all depends on the child. Most likely I would advise that you let the child throw the emotional tantrum. This is much more effective if you talk to her afterwards, and the talk should be giving tools and asking her, “Was that comfortable?” She might even say, “yes” because she is still upset. But then you say, “Okay, then you don't need help. Go ahead and throw a tantrum any time you are sensitive to something, but if you're open, I can give you some advice that would help you greatly for the next wave that comes.” But this is ongoing work. You know, the way I always say now, spirituality is our life. In other words, don't think of getting graduated. This is our life. Also our effort to help our children on a deeper level is our life. In other words, you cannot give them some sort of tools and expect them to never have an emotional breakdown. It has to be repeated, like I have been repeating Myself for the past 25 years. It has to be repeated, not in the way of advice or demand, but in an atmosphere of loving, inspiring, help.

Question Four: What is the proper role of a mother and a father?

Sat: Do not do to your children what caused you pain. Do not. In other words, if fear caused you a lot of problems, make sure that you are not transferring this fear to your children. If limitation made you feel suffocated, make sure you are more in tune by removing limitations from your child [rather] than giving them out of your own fear. Just be in tune with what benefits the child in the long run [more] than an immediate remedy. You know, one mistake that parents do is they want their children to behave so they are not ashamed in front of other people. But we are not raising our children for other people. We are raising our children for themselves. So don't be so concerned about their behavior, give them tools to conquer their behavior, not by dos and don'ts so much. I'm not saying you shouldn't discipline your child, absolutely you should, but not for the sake of other people, for the sake of their own advancement. These are just reminders because I am almost sure that most of you that come on the phone and are aware of the tools are already doing it and you don't need My advice. But I just want to emphasize, the confidence you give to your child, the encouragement you give to your child, and most of all, the inspiration you give to your child goes much farther than nitpicking about their character, about their anger, about their emotion. Please concentrate on something more lasting, as you are doing it for yourself. Let's not follow other people's rules and regulations that have failed miserably. Let's find a new way to raise our children. And as I hear every one of you that have children, you have seen the benefit of thinking outside of the box and not routinely and unconsciously raising your child.

Question Five: I am seeking guidance on how to support my 10-year-old daughter in becoming more responsible and organized, especially with managing her school schedule and daily activities. I find myself micromanaging at times, which creates tension between us. At what age or stage should I begin encouraging her to take independence on school planning activities, while still providing the necessary support from my end without overwhelming her or causing frustration?

Sat: Micromanaging goes on until they don't want you to do that anymore, and that's not gonna be far from now. But interference is different than being a support. If you're constantly on top of your child, “Do this, do this, do this…” you are not supporting at all. You're interfering. If she is not organized, just get a board with a marker for her to write down daily responsibility and activity herself. And if she fails to accomplish it, then that's a consequence she takes. But at ten, your support has to continue. Micromanaging has to happen without too much interference and that's something that the mother should know. I don't know. I have no idea [what is] the temperament of the child, but it seems like if she gets frustrated fast, it's because you're interfering too much.

Question Six: My parents didn't put any pressure on me academically, and I regret this. I wish they had paid more attention to my studies. And now I worry that I'm not focusing enough on my seven year old daughter's academics, and she might not have choices later in life …

Sat: Oh, God, don't even read the rest of it. This is all the mind dictating to the mother. Your parents did right. They did you right. They did not raise a neurotic child, an intense child. Education is filling your head with nonsense just to make a living, which is not bad at all. I'm not against education whatsoever. But what do you know about your child's destiny? What do you really know? Again, we go back: when the push is necessary, push. When the pulling back is necessary, pull. But between these two, our role is to uplift them and inspire them, not to order them and pressure them. I didn't push My children, and they are very successful. I didn't care if they studied or not. I didn't care if they were going to be rich or poor. I didn't care. I just wanted them to be happy. Honestly, I'm telling you the truth. And they found their own way, according to their life that was about to unfold. Even without pushing them, life put so much pressure on them that they had to go back to their spirituality, even without Me pushing. So life does quite a bit of a job on an adult child. So we just comfort them, support them, and give them tools, don't worry about education.

Question Seven: How do we deal with the child who has a tendency to be lazy and procrastinate without putting pressure on them?

Sat: No, you have to [put] pressure there. By inspiring them. I don't mean pressure, [which] means to criticize them, no. [I mean] by inspiring them. By at times insisting that they get up and they get some sort of activity. Again, I don't know the child. I don't even know who the mother or father is that is asking this question. Again, go by the theme that I always emphasize on inspiration, guidance, support and instilling confidence in the child. Criticism kills the spirit of the child. Just remember that. You can discipline the child, but you don't have to tell them how bad they are or how incapable they are, which I'm positive nobody on the phone does, those of you that’ve been on the phone for many years.

Question Eight: My teenage son is entering 11th grade, and he still doesn’t have any passion for any particular area of study. He says that he doesn’t see the point in college and getting a job, and working until he dies. He is questioning the purpose of doing all of these things. I just listen to him, but what guidance can I give him?

Sat: Ask him, “What do you wanna replace with this type of thinking? What invention or what creativity are you replacing it with? If you're not replacing it with anything that is profitable for your days to come, then you must drop this philosophy.” I mean, I agree with his philosophy, but if he doesn't have any direction, then it's just a cop out. That's what it is. It's a cop out. It’s a negativity that has to go. But I would look into the reason. Is he depressed? Is he giving up just because he doesn't want to listen to his parents? What the cause of it and how he wants to replace it? Again, it comes to the intuition of the parents and the support and guidance of the parents is not easy. Being parents is not easy, but it’s a role that we are playing. Or maybe if he listens to or she listens to someone like a counselor or at school, or the principal, whatever, somebody outside of the family, a man, maybe they can talk to him and see what's going on there. I also did not find any use for education, but at the same time, I was very creative and very much into doing charity work, and helping other people and things. I give My example just to be helpful, not because I'm any different than anybody else. I'm just saying, this is what I dealt with. Some sort of usefulness is necessary to inspire oneself. And then, of course, I chose the spiritual path and never left it. So higher education would have been meaningless for Me. But each case is different. Also, watch him. Watch him like a hawk. Watch him and see what his behaviors are like, how he approaches life.

Question Nine: On our last call, I had shared with You that my 10 year old son had asked me if he would ever be homeless and I had assured him that he never would be, in part because the grace would protect him. You helped me see that my answer was very incomplete and I was making promises I wasn’t sure of and leaving out his part of the equation such as using his tools, staying off drugs and alcohol and working hard. I have a follow up question. At times when he is scared, like at night time, I have told him to relax because we are under the umbrella of grace and therefore nothing bad will happen in our house because it is only a place of love and light. Is this answer also incomplete? And when it comes to parenting, what is the umbrella of grace? How does it apply?

Sat: It is not wrong to tell him this as far as the fear goes, because fear is immediate. The other one that I said, I didn't agree with just saying grace, [because] it’s taking away his ambition. Because a child of ten does not know, does not draw a line between ambition and grace. Yes, you can say that he is under the Umbrella of Grace, but I would emphasize more, as I did to one of My grandchildren, about how to deal with fear. I have a recording about fear for children. And this one you can repeat over and over again, that, “Yes, we are under the Umbrella of Grace, because we are loving and the type of people that know where the silence is and where the Home is.” But at the same time, help him see that that darkness, fear is only a thought. It is only a suggestion, not even a thought, a suggestion. And the thinker can believe it, or can let it go, and that can be repeated. And once he does it and sees that it evaporates, then your job is done. And the child realizes that what the mother said is right and continues to practice it. But until they do get some sort of result by their own effort, it has to be repeated. I would also appreciate it if you could gather some sort of suggestion about fear and anxiety or anger or frustration from the child and then you can tell Me sometimes, and I might be able to have a recording on it and how to deal with it. That was for your child.

Question Ten: You hear a lot that you shouldn't be your child's friend, and yet I do feel like I'm my child's friend. While I'm a mother first, we do laugh and play a lot together. Where do You stand on this? What is the right balance?

Sat: There is a right balance, and we should go by it. Some people are so intimidated by their kids, and they want their approval so much, that they forget that they are also parenting. Parenting is the foundation of the child's strength and confidence, and they lose themselves in the friendship, and that's wrong. And then we have parents that are such disciplinarians they forget to be joyful and playful with their kids and be like two friends together, and that we know is another extreme. The line in between can be put by the parents. As long as your child is under your roof, you are still the parents, but also you're so open to their character and to their behavior that you are not constantly criticizing or letting it go under the carpet because you want your friendship with them.

I had a huge writing, which I don't know what I did with, about friendship. Let's find out what is friendship. What do we call friendship? Is that the one that we hit each other in the head and laugh and play hide and seek? Or is it [that] we support each other and we confide in each other? What is friendship? To Me, it’s unconditional understanding and truthfulness. If something that is wrong comes to your attention, a friend will say it. If a friend is down, the other friend gives unconditional understanding, without judgment. Is that any different than being parents? No. So why would you want to put a friendship on it? Just have unconditional understanding, which translates to unconditional love. And be happy. They are not two different things unless you don't understand friendship.

Let's open it for a few minutes of sharing, or if you have a personal questions that you just came up with, that you want to clear it, go ahead. Otherwise, we just say goodbye.

Anitha: Hi Sat, Kyra and I are so grateful to have You in our life, because Your wisdom and guidance is what is helping us to sail in the storm of life. I notice in Kyra, I know I'm getting a lot of storms coming my way. When I discuss with other peer parents, they say, the transition from preteen to teen, this is what life is gonna be. But I'm not able to convince myself. I feel that it's a challenge for me to transform myself to be very calm in engaging the conversation with her, which Your wisdom is helping me so much. But I noticed one thing, if it is at home, I'm able to really help provide the help, what I could from my end, from the spirituality. But I noticed, in her five years of school, she never received one complaint. But this year, at the end of the school year, she received a couple of complaints. When I noticed the basis of the complaint, I see there was another kid involved. And I believe Kyra’s not really grounding or standing up for her values. Instead of doing that, she's following the other kid and going along with that instead of speaking up from her values and opinions or what she wanted to keep close to her heart. How do I help her? Because I see that she's very scared of speaking up loudly in the social environment, which I have noticed from Kinder when she was a little kid. But now I see, going into middle school, she has to really keep her ground values closer to her heart. How could I help her from spirituality, instead of telling dos and dos from material life?

Sat: The first thing that I came to realize [is] the children go through different stages. They're growing emotionally, physically, mentally, and they will have ups and downs. But if you think that she is not following what she believes in, just remind her. Remind her that getting into some sort of trouble at school is not gonna be beneficial for her or is not going to be comfortable for her. So ask her what she thinks she needs to do to stop that. Find out what her agenda is about this situation. And I don't care how many people scare you about teenage time, it's just a time of change, from relying solely on their parents to pulling back, which cannot be more normal. But I want to say something to all parents. The friend your child keeps is the most important thing in the time that they are growing up after 11 or 12 years old. Be very cautious of it. If you think the friend is not good, put your foot down, but not in an aggressive way. Just do whatever politically possible to break this friendship, either by reasoning or sometimes by discipline. But I don't think a ten year old can do much damage as far as friendship goes. But later on in life, be very watchful of who they associate with, because that indicates how much trouble they will cause otherwise. And also remember, Anitha, you have only one child, and you two are living together. Let’s not be interfering because of this situation. Watch the interference. Make sure it's not too much. Make sure she has room. Make sure she has room to make decisions, to make choices. You just direct her to a choice that is less harmful, but then it's up to her again. Also, it's really good for her to have other influences, as far as you know, have other friends to get together in each other's home, so you're not together all the time and get sick of each other.

Vjiay: Everything You taught me has had such an amazing impact on my life. But specifically in regards to parenting, I've always been very involved and kind of obsessed in watching over my kids. And Your guidance over the last year or so has really, really changed my interactions with my kids. And I just had two quick examples just over the last two days that were remarkable and I wanted to share. Mastan’s out driving, and he was having some worries about what he's doing when I'm not there. And he made the same mistake a couple times, and I was getting really frustrated with him, and it wasn't a big mistake, probably not gonna jeopardize his safety, but I was really frustrated. I got on him about it, and he just looks at me and he's like, you're not gonna have any trust? You're just gonna ignore Sat's teachings altogether right now? And I was actually even more frustrated that he did that to me at that moment but when I looked back later he was so right that I focused so much on my kids' limitations and not letting them go and experience. And to be reminded by your own kid, it just comes full circle to all those problems you deal with as a little kid.

And my second example is just, You've always taught us that in order to be good parents, we have to take care of ourselves first. And I had a busy day at work, and then I had to come home and help Liyana with a test and I just was not feeling it, and I knew it was not gonna be a healthy math session. And I just told her, “Look, I have to go to the gym. I have to get exercise. I love you, and we'll get ready for this test.” And I came back refreshed. We did it in a shorter amount of time, and then a little bit in the morning on the way to school. And she did great. And just, I think, realizing and having that awareness of when you're ready to give and when you need to give to yourself.

Sat: Absolutely. This is a very good point. First of all, I wanna congratulate you for having such an enlightened soul in your family that reminds you. And he really walks the walk, and he is not just pretending. The second thing is that it's so important what Vijay said, if you're flustered with your children and frustrated with the daily activity and responsibility, please don't hesitate to drop everything: dinner, cooking, homework, etc. Please invest in yourself. Whether [you] run in nature, take a walk, light a candle, put music on, put a video on, exercise, whatever it takes to refresh yourself and re-energize your body, do it. Don't delay it, because the result is not very positive.

Raha: How can I be a good mother for my one year old baby? My daughter is one year old and I don't know how we should manage my baby to grow to be a good person.

Sat: Have you read the book “I Am The Child?”

Raha: Not yet.

Sat: Okay, so your answer would be in that. I'm glad you're asking from the very beginning of your child. Please read that book. If you have any questions, you can ask Me. [You can] write a question, give it to Bahar and next time I come I answer you. But for now, you can get the book, I believe they sell it on Amazon, and then read it carefully and that would be an incredible start to your journey with your child. It’s one of the books I wrote. And you can ask Gopi if she can help you.

Farinaz: I have a question, Sat Jan. My son is eight years old, and I am far away from him, and he is in my country, and I'm living here in America for some months, and I want to know how can I make this up to him? You know, I know that he's missing me a lot, but he didn't say anything to me, and sometimes he doesn't want to talk to me, even for 5 min. How can I make it up for him?

Sat: It's hard to make up if you're not with him. He wants a mother. By saying this time is temporary, by saying that you also miss him a lot, by giving him a lot of love, by writing him letters, by sending him gifts, by letting him know that this time of separation will eventually end, by just understanding him. The situation is not easy, apparently, for him, and he has some resentment toward you. Just explaining your situation to him in a way that is not repeated or is full of hope, is full of inspiration. And just remember everything will change. You never know. Maybe he's like this now and then later on, he will be closer to you than anybody else. So keep your hope up and do your best.

Well, if there is no more sharing, I just wanna say thank you for being the parents that you are. Thank you for using the truth and inspiration in your own life and then living it with your children and your family. Thank you for not sending out neurotic children into this society. And thank you for your unconditional love and understanding toward your children. Namaste to all of you. Have a great weekend.

Parenting Chat
May 31, 2025