How To Help Older Children With Anger?

Question: The next question is about older children. You have given advice to younger children, but the parents with older children in the group wanted to know how do we help our older children with anger?

Sat: Well, I think the chapter on older children that we have in the book really explains it. It is really hard to give a method to do it because for some reason, when a child gets older, they have listened to their parents all the time through their childhood and they lose their tolerance for that. They are not going to be a good listener anymore; they are not going to be obedient to every demand that the parents have anymore. Again, through understanding, but if there really is an anger issue, I think through a very kind conversation accompanied with a big understanding, a deep understanding and giving them the tools on how to get rid of it. Not by saying, “You have too much anger … we don’t like it … you have to do something about it … etc.” We have to do something about it and that is to make sure they understand that that feeling of anger is not comfortable for them. It’s not about us, it’s about them. When they realize that the anger is not comfortable and it is popping out quite often, then they will seek your advice for its elimination. It’s tactful, it’s not something that you say directly, “You have too much anger … we have to do something about it … this is going to destroy your life … etc.” It is always through understanding of where they are standing- always through realizing what they are going through. It is not on the surface, we have to dig a little bit lower and deeper and give them the tools. If they use it, they use it, if they don’t, let them be. You can’t force someone to grow, they need to do it at their own pace, and to have tolerance.
Remember a human goes through so many changes of personality throughout their life, if they are angry now, two years from now they might not be angry, they might be the kindest, most giving person. But the main thing is tools, to offer them tools.

Parenting Call
How To Help Older Children With Anger?
April 2, 2022