The Three Types Of Relationships

Aida: You said the following last year about relationships: “Relationships are the toughest part of maya. It is the most enjoyable when it is a holy union, when there is satsang, etc., otherwise it is always a battle. It is a constant solving of problems, it is constantly pretending. And no one looks at it this way. Everyone thinks to themselves ‘What have I done that now we are having conflict … what has my partner done [wrong] etc.?’ NO, this is how relationships are! That’s it and why is that? It is because a personality that is not real, ignorant and made up of ideas wants to solve a problem with another personality that is not real, ignorant and also made up of ideas. Now, you tell Me, what part of that is even logical? We constantly tell ourselves, ‘I must fix myself … I must fix my partner …’ NO, it is a lie in the first place!”

Can You please elaborate on that?

Sat: Yes, there are three different relationships once a body is born. One is strictly body to body, mind to mind as a human- nothing more, nothing less. You grow up in the family, you get married, you have your children, you are successful, you get old and you die. In between [there are] a lot of people you love, a lot of people you hate and this goes on. This is the lowest type of a relationship because it is strictly ideas against ideas. If you agree with someone, part of your personality thinks what that person is doing is loving, then this is a good relationship and if it is not so, it is completely at the mercy of changes.
The reason I said it is not real is because it is just ideas of a relationship, it is not a relationship. This is why we see so many marriages, even if endured are not pleasant. How could they be? There is a bunch of personalities made up of ideas with a bunch of others and they are battling each other’s mind. Even when they are peaceful, it is either temporary or at best they have a tolerable life, and this is what we teach our children. We teach them on the base of personalities and the ego.

Then there is another relationship which a person wants to have with God, whether it is a made-up God, an ethereal God, a formless God or God in form as Guru. Now this, even though the person that approaches this type of a relationship is going with the personality, because there are no two personalities that cause conflict or joy, etc. it is more secure. Why? Because when you give your love to Guru or God, it is worthy of that love because you are putting yourself in a position of not agreeing with another person’s personality, but allowing that person to demolish the wrong and the unreal.

This becomes the love between the Guru and the disciple or the seeker and God. It is much safer, much more constant and much more lasting than a worldly relationship, it can go beyond the body’s death and continue in another lifetime or continue in the subtle body.

Then we have the third type, which is the relationship with the real Self, where you go to silence and there is no personality. Therefore, all the excess baggage is gone and that is eternal Ananda- that is the last stop. Every human being goes through the first group [for] many lifetimes and then ends up in the second group through many, many disappointments in relationships. Then the second [relationship] guides that person to go to the Self, to the Self, to the Self, and then the third one happens.

Now, the third one is rare, even though it is nearer and dearer than anything else and the love, that oval energy actually eliminates the ego, the body and the mind. It is not for everyone, because it needs ripening, it needs a soul that is ready to abandon itself, but this is the transformation of humanity to Divinity that each person will eventually go through.